


Home is not a hiding place

by Chthonia



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, POV Kylo Ren, possessive!Kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 01:52:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10548048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chthonia/pseuds/Chthonia
Summary: Entangled in a bond neither had wanted, with neither willing to change sides, there was only one solution.But for Kylo Ren and Rey, running away is not so easy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the first issue of the [Reylo Short Story Collection](http://reyloshortstorycollection.tumblr.com/), for which the theme was 'Balance'. A thousand thanks to [KagamiSorciere](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KagamiSorciere) for putting together the anthology and for proof-reading my contribution, and also to [frozenmusings](http://frozenmusings.tumblr.com) for so magnificently illustrating this story. A PDF of all the stories, including the art, can be downloaded [here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bx8dPrfOck6yU1RxWTJZU0JiUnM/view?usp=sharing).
> 
> * * *

Kylo Ren closed his hand around the trader's throat. "Who sent you?" 

"No one! I just needed a repair and-"

The lie was obvious, even without the terror in his eyes. _"Who. Sent. You?"_

"I-"

There was no time for this. Kylo spread his other hand over the man’s forehead and bored in.

_A posted bounty, origin anonymous. Laconic instructions completely devoid of the coded phrases he knew so well. A fuzzy holo showing a girl with her hair in three buns and a fierce glint in her eye._

His anger burned white. That _they_ were hunting _her_ …

"Kylo." Rey touched his arm.

He frowned at her. "One of yours."

The man in front of them whimpered. Kylo let go, stepped back, watched his relief morph into horror, and choking gasps, and silence.

He clenched his fists, breathing hard. It would attract too much attention to let his saber sing there and then, but this snivelling creature had put them at risk and he longed to slice it into a thousand pieces.

"Kylo," Rey said again, her disquiet palpable.

He turned on her, gripping her arms and shoving her back against the wall. She gasped as he yanked up her tunic and slid a hand over her breasts. His other hand twisted in her hair, pulling her head back so her eyes met his, dark and fearful and _wanting_.

_"Kylo."_

_His_ name on her lips, _his_ hand in her hair, _his_ fingers finding her stiffening nipples and pinching, hard. And _there,_ there was that soft moan she made only for _him_.

He shuddered as she wound her hands in his hair, tugged him down so his mouth could meet hers. And bit down on his lower lip.

And it was his turn to groan as he tore at their clothes and lifted her so she could wrap her legs around him as he fucked her into the wall.

_His. His. His._

She hated it, he knew – hated this lust that came in the wake of violence, hated feeling her own darkness rise in response. Hated that later she would find herself tracing the bruises he'd left on her arms and wanting _more._

He drove her to completion and came with a cry as she clenched around him. They clung to each other, hearts pounding.

She slid down to stand on the floor. He pulled her close. She tucked her head under his chin, her cheek against his chest.

_Rey Rey Kylo Rey KyloKyloReykyloreykylorey_

"We have to leave," he murmured.

She stepped back. "We have to finish the job."

"It's not safe!"

"Neither is flying without adequate fuel reserves. And I like being able to eat."

"We could just take what we need and go."

"No." Her voice was firm. "I'm not a thief. And we may need to come back."

His unease gave way to a different kind of fear. "You _want_ them to find us."

"No," she said again. But she looked away.

He seized her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. "Do you know what they'd do to me if they did? Is that what you want?"

"Force, no! Kylo, you _know_ I don’t want that."

But he heard her as clearly as if she'd spoken aloud. _I just want to see my friends._

 _Friends._ They didn't need 'friends', him and her. They'd each grown up alone and now they circled together in an ever-tightening orbit with no space for anyone else.

He took her hand. "Those people you call friends, they can never understand you. They'd be terrified of what you are, what you can become."

"You twist everything." She pulled her hand away.

"And you refuse to _see_!"

Her lips thinned. "I didn't ask for this. You were the one who came after me."

"Precisely. Because _you_ wouldn't face what was between us. You left me no choice." 

She turned away. He caught her shoulder. "But you did choose. You came with me."

She shook him off. "Like I really had a choice about that, after what you did? After everyone had seen us together?" She strode towards the hangar. "We have a freighter to fix."

And he had a body to dispose of. That was the way of it between them: he followed where she led, regardless of the risks she put them in. And he dealt with the consequences and let her judge him for doing so.

It didn't take long for him to drag the dead trader to an empty room where it was safe to dismember the body into cleanly cauterised lumps of flesh. He tossed them down the nearest garbage chute – he and Rey would be long gone before the remains were found.

He followed her into the hangar and ducked under the freighter's stubby wing. She was already crouching over the power core, wielding her hydrospanner with that intense focus that never failed to entrance him.

_Rey._

Part of him was ashamed that he used her to douse his fury. But the shame was overpowered by the miraculous fact that she _let_ him. What other woman would be strong enough to accept him as he was?

She held out her hand for her pilex driver and he handed it to her, leaning forward to brush his lips on the nape of her neck. She stilled.

He rested his chin on her shoulder, his cheek touching hers, and slipped his arms around her waist. She leaned back, warm against his chest, her free hand squeezing his. He closed his eyes; he knew this would be her only acknowledgement that their argument was over.

She'd once said that no one in the galaxy was less deserving of absolution than him, and perhaps she was right, but she'd learned to forgive him their everyday disagreements.

She tilted her head to lean her cheek against his for a moment, and then bent forward over her work. "Grab a wrench. I need you to check on that fuel line."

He released her and pulled off his tunic, pulling the wrench to his hand as he climbed up to stand head and shoulders over the engine bay. He traced the line unerringly from the pump Rey was adjusting, through a maze of piping back to… _there:_ the tell-tale corrosion streaking from a pinhole that had bled fuel under pressure.

Kylo undid the bolts holding the pipe in place. The connectors were clean; it took barely a minute to pull up a replacement section and secure it. He tapped along the length of pipe, listening for the dull thud of a blockage, listening for the resonance of a clear line, _listening_ for how the pipe twisted and branched and contracted to nozzles or expanded into fusion chambers. And when he'd _listened_ long enough, he would _know_ what the engine needed.

He permitted himself a smug smile, sometimes, when he thought of Rey's surprise the first time he'd found a fault faster than she had. Because really, between his father's affinity with spacecraft and his grandfather's mechanical genius, why shouldn't this be part of his legacy, too? Why shouldn't he be good for something other than causing pain? Even if at times he'd fling his tools at the wall in frustration that his dreams of bringing peace to the galaxy had been reduced to this.

Except it wasn't 'reduced', not completely. Compared to twisting himself out of shape as a Jedi padawan, or the murky paths he'd trodden as Snoke's disciple, engine grease felt clean.

The planet's sun was low on the horizon by the time he dropped to the ground. He wiped the sweat from his face. Rey was watching, with that odd half-frown, half-smile that almost let him hope she actually liked him. That she didn't just stay to keep him from going back to Snoke and taking all her secrets with him.

He stalked away to their own ship before she could speak and break the illusion.

When he emerged from the 'fresher, Rey was fiddling with the comm. 

"When's the owner coming back?" he asked. "We need to clear out."

She shrugged. "Bank's closed for the night," she told him. "She says she'll get the credits for us tomorrow morning."

"No." Kylo shook his head. "We should have left as soon as that bounty hunter caught up with us. We need to go now."

Rey glared. "I spent enough of my life being cheated. We did the job. We're getting paid."

"Which is exactly what they want you to say! This is a trap!"

She laughed. "You're paranoid."

"And you're reckless."

But it was the same old argument, and he didn't have the heart for it. Not after growing up seeing his parents bickering whenever they could bear to bring themselves within two parsecs of each other. And so he'd give in, as he always did, regardless of how dark his foreboding. And, as he always did, he would keep her safe despite herself.

"Fine," he said. "But we're not staying in the city."

She smiled at that. Because she knew that just as he'd map out every alleyway surrounding every dusty spaceport they landed in, he'd also fly out to learn every nearby ridge and ravine and river. And not just in case they needed to hide.

He flew them into the setting sun while she scrubbed off the day's grease in the fresher. By the time she emerged they were on the ground, hidden in shadow and electronic trickery. Anyone scanning would see only a speeder: just another couple on a romantic tryst.

Kylo wished it were that simple.

He watched her eyes widen as they descended the ramp. She paused, taking in the mountains glowing red, the still lake, the quiet trills of birds skimming the surface. She reached for his hand. Her Force signature was humming with the beauty of it all. To speak aloud would have ruined the moment.

This– this was something he could give her. Amid the danger, the insecurity, the need to always keep moving, he could at least show her that the galaxy was so much more than the desert that had smothered most of her life. And more, too, than the tiny island on an isolated planet that was all the Resistance had offered.

He left her to explore the shoreline while he made dinner. They ate it sitting together on a stone, watching the light fade.

For a few days, back when she'd first let him follow her, he'd dreamed of coming with her to a place like this, of making a life together far from the machinations of galactic politics. It was a childish fantasy, he knew: his heritage and her power could never nestle into cosy domesticity.

And yet…

He'd never been one for planetscapes. He'd spent his childhood looking inwards and his adulthood in the emptiness of space. But he remembered his mother's thoughts of Alderaan, back before she’d realised he could watch. He'd understood that her love for it was all the stronger because she couldn't bring herself to speak of it. And even during his fiercest fervour for his grandfather's legacy, a small part of him (the weakness in him, Snoke would hiss) had been bewildered at how anyone could destroy something so beautiful.

He wished he could have shown it to Rey.

Rey, who was more beautiful than any of it. Rey, who felt so small in his arms, and so strong in his head.

She snuggled against him as the air cooled. He pulled her close, pushing her hair aside to kiss her temple. She turned to him, the emerging stars reflected in her eyes as he leaned forward to meet her lips. He slid his hands around her waist, her arms clinging to his neck as they deepened the kiss and he was lost in her warmth, her light, the sheer wonder of the fact that she had chosen him. And then she pulled away and turned her head towards the lake.

Because it could never be that simple.

He nuzzled her neck. "What are you thinking?"

She gave a short laugh. "As if _you_ need to ask."

"I want you to tell me."

For a long moment she was silent. And then she sighed. "You scare me. One minute you're like _this_ and I feel I could trust you with anything. And the next minute you go and kill someone."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Only when I need to protect you."

"You _like_ it."

And there it was – the familiar cold despair sending its frost into his heart. No matter how many times he tried to explain: "The darkness isn't something you 'like', Rey. Liking is a light-side feeling."

She shrugged. "Well, you don't exactly resist it."

"I can't! It consumes me if I try. All I can do is try to direct it."

This same question, again and again and again, and he could never answer it with words.

He trailed his hands over her shoulders, pushing aside her loose tunic to bare her skin to the green-tinged light of the rising moon. He felt her shiver at his breath on her skin, heard her breath catch as he kissed her shoulder, her neck, her cheek-

And her hands were framing his cheeks and her dark eyes locked on his. "Kylo. I _want_ to trust you."

He covered her hands with his. "I know."

Because they were stuck with each other, tangled together in the Force, and they could either destroy each other, or…

They'd each given up too much for this not to work. 

"You can't change what I am, Rey." 

And she knew that too, and she chose him anyway, and he knew that what scared her was that a part of her was learning to crave his darkness as much as he craved her light.

He pulled her tunic over her head and let it fall to the ground. The moonlight erased her scars and cast shadows over her breasts. He traced their pale curves with his thumb.

 _"Kylo."_ Her voice was low, rough. Because even amid her doubt and her fear, she _wanted_ him. And Force, he wanted her.

He stood, catching her up in her arms. She giggled; he silenced her with a kiss. He carried her from the shore and laid her down on a patch of soft moss, her hair spread loose in disarray as she gazed up at him.

He wanted her _now_ , needed to feel their bodies joined as deeply as their minds. But he held himself back, kneeling beside her and bending down so his hair brushed her skin as he outlined her left nipple with his tongue. He felt her breathing quicken as he replaced his mouth with his fingers, trailing the wetness over her breast.

_Love me._

She had to understand that he wasn't the monster she'd first thought him. Not (he told himself) for his own sake, but because otherwise all she'd see in this beautiful thing between them would be that only a monster could love her.

_Please. Rey._

Her hand twisted painfully in his hair. He growled as she pushed him back, propping herself on her elbow and wriggled around to face him knee to knee. But no, he couldn't wait any longer. He reached out to push her down– and found himself unable to move.

He _knew_ he should never have taught her that.

She grinned, the mischief sparking in her eyes as she reached under his tunic and slid her hands slowly, _oh so fucking slowly,_ up from his waist until she pulled it roughly over his head and flung it away. She knelt back, drinking in his nakedness.

He hated, _hated_ being looked at. But when she looked at him like that, there was nothing he could deny her.

She touched her finger to his forehead, pressing against the ridge she'd carved into him so many months ago, tracing it down over his cheek, his neck, his shoulder.

_Hers._

He shuddered.

She leant forward to press her lips against the scar his so-called master had slashed across his chest, and the faint line on his arm where some scummy bounty hunter had got lucky, and the puckered skin where she'd stabbed him with her saber and _fuck_ there was no way this should turn him on so much.

He groaned as she pressed herself against him and kissed him full on the lips, her hands tangling in his hair. And suddenly he could move and he took control of the kiss, holding her head in place and thrusting his tongue deep before pulling away and _pushing_ her to the ground.

He held her still while he peeled off her trousers and caressed the dark mound between her legs. She whimpered as he circled her clitoris with his thumb, and he pushed deeper, nudging her legs apart. She was slick with desire – it pulsed between them as he pushed a finger into her.

He pulled out and stood over her, slowly sucking the taste of her from his finger. She was wet and ready for him, and now it was his turn to make her wait.

He kept his movements languid as he pushed his trousers down, his eyes never leaving hers, her lust spiking with apprehension as he bared his erection. He kicked away the last of his clothing and knelt to cover her body with his.

 _This_ was how he dreamed of her: hair mussed, lips parted and starlight in her eyes, gazing at him as if nothing else mattered in the galaxy.

He lowered his head, brushing her lips with the lightest of kisses. She arched up to meet him, catching his lip between her teeth.

His fingers clenched in the moss.

She reached up to touch his cheek. He opened to her, letting her see her beauty and her power through his eyes as she reflected back his strength and his passion and dispelled any doubt that she wanted this, wanted _him,_ despite everything.

"Kylo…" Her plea burned straight to his cock.

He entered her slowly, watching her dark eyes widen, feeling how her flesh yielded to his and an almost-pain set her every nerve on edge and arced through them both.

He moved within her, stoking their fire as she writhed beneath him, consumed by heat that spilled from her to him to her. She locked her arms around his neck and pushed against him, demanding he go faster, harder. And then he wasn't looking at her or at anything as he buried his head against her neck and knew nothing but fire and need and light light light that blinded him to everything except _her_. Then she was crying his name as she lost control and took him over the edge with her.

They clung together, slowly coming down to the planet with its star-jewelled sky and cool lake breeze. Kylo didn't dare move; it was if he'd shed a skin and what had been exposed was still too raw to touch. He wished time could stop and let them stay there forever.

But Rey stirred, at last, and stood, and held out her hand, and together they walked silently back to the ship. He curled around her in their bunk; she nestled in his arms as if she had grown there.

 _I love you, I love you._ He murmured it in her ear.

She squeezed his hand, but did not answer. She never did. One day, he hoped, she would admit her answer to herself.

They were still quiet the next morning, still half-entwined as they flew back towards the city. Kylo wasn't used to feeling like a part of someone else, and he certainly wasn't used to wanting to feel that way. All his life, he'd teetered alone on a precipice between rage and fear – but with Rey, his footing was sure. It was strange, to feel more stable with his centre of gravity so far outside himself.

They landed at a run-down facility at the edge of the city, where their battered ship would attract no attention and where there were no tall buildings to impede escape. The surrounding streets were quiet – Kylo hoped that that was just due to their distance from the centre.

Not that he liked crowds. He still felt naked without his mask. He hated to be seen, to have strangers look, and judge, and dismiss – or worse, grin in pretend friendship as a prelude to barter. Worst of all was when their eyes followed Rey, as if they had a right to her, as if he was too weak to defend what was his. If he'd still been wearing the mask of the Master of the Knights of Ren, they wouldn't have _dared_ …

But that mask, he'd long since realised, was just another way Snoke had kept him isolated from everything except that voice in his head.

Finding the trader whose ship they'd repaired was straightforward, as was receiving a handful of unmarked credchips in exchange for the circuit board Rey had kept back to prevent the trader's too-hasty departure. Now they had to make a hasty departure of their own – a few minutes to pick up some supplies and they could put this planet behind them.

He didn't need to voice his anxiety. Now that Rey had got her way with the contract, she willingly kept pace as he strode quickly towards the main trading square. In other circumstances he'd have enjoyed exploring the colourful stalls with her, watching her delight in the sights and smells as they searched out the tastiest nectar-soaked pastries. But they'd already been found; there was no time to browse. He headed for the food stalls, leaving her to haggle over some couplings she'd had her eye on. It was safe enough to split up; he knew without looking exactly where she was.

And so he knew immediately when disaster struck. Her joy spiked through his Force-signature an instant before her words pierced him to the core.

"Finn? _Finn!_ "

Kylo spun round just in time to see her run into the traitor's arms. He'd been right, the day before. They should have left. And he should have finished that insolent sewer rat when he had the chance.

He pushed through the crowd, his fury and frustration rising though he couldn't afford to give in to them – not here, not like this. Horror dawned on the interloper's face as Kylo emerged from the shadows. Because yes, _of course_ they'd send the one person who could recognise him.

The other man dropped his hand to his blaster. "Rey! Watch-"

Kylo snarled at him. "What the kark are _you_ doing here?"

Rey whipped round. "Kylo…"

The man gaped as he looked from Rey to Kylo and back to Rey. It would have almost been comical if his presence here hadn't been a fuck-up of epic proportions.

Rey spoke to him quietly. "Give us a moment."

She put a hand on Kylo's arm and pushed him back a step. "Calm down, Kylo. He's my friend. He's not going to hurt us."

But there was an all-too familiar whine in the distance. A nightmare stirring from sleep.

"He already has," snapped Kylo. _"Run!"_ He grabbed her hand and sprinted for a narrow alley.

"Hey!" The 'friend' shouted after them. His steps thudded in pursuit.

Rey shook off Kylo's hand and ran beside him. "Come on!" she called over her shoulder.

Kylo swore under his breath. They reached the alley just as a TIE-fighter screamed over them and strafed the market.

They ran, Kylo leading the way through the maze of narrow streets away from the smoke and screaming behind them. He hoped this was just a show of force, that the First Order was guessing at their location. It was too much to hope for that they were here for something else entirely.

There was a crash of falling masonry behind them. Rey glanced back.

_"Finn!"_

Her 'friend' was stumbling, hand pressed to a gash on his head. Kylo wished he could let the First Order claim him and be done with the threat forever – but with Rey’s inexplicable loyalty, there was no way she’d leave him behind.

He ran back, snuffing out the man's consciousness with a savage gesture and flinging him over his shoulder. He could hear the TIEs wheeling round for another pass, but he'd learned every twist and turn between them and their ship, just as he had on every Force-forsaken dustball they'd put down on. They hurried across a small courtyard to the street beyond that was the fastest way back to their ship.

The TIEs passed behind them – they'd escaped the danger zone. He just hoped Rey's flying was up to evading them in the air.

There wasn’t far to go now. Just past the house ahead, then left past a white gate and right and across the street and they’d be–

The way was blocked by a stormtrooper unit.

Rey fired up her saber and ran at them, spinning and swiping to block their blaster bolts as she cut a path to the ship. Kylo threw out his hand, knocking them down with a wave of dark power as he followed, his burden bouncing against his back.

Rey held guard as he slammed his palm against the entry panel, ducking to run up the ramp as soon as it lowered. He dumped the unconscious ex-trooper on the floor and ran back to join Rey.

And at last he could ignite his saber. "Get ready to go."

The stormtroopers on the ground were starting to stir.

"Don't, Kylo."

He glared at her. "One minute. We need to be off the ground."

"But-"

But he was teetering on the edge of a murderous rage and he was going to leap into it and no-one, _no-one_ was going to stop him. He was barely conscious of her turning to run to the cockpit as he twirled his saber and ran at the troopers. One or two of them fumbled for their blasters, but none of them stood a chance against them as he hacked and sliced and threw them against the wall. And yes, his saber marks would be unmistakeable when they were found – but none of them would live to remember his face.

He ran back to the ship as the repulsorlift roared, leaping onto the ramp and palming it closed. He almost tripped over the still-unconscious trooper. And part of him, a large part of him, longed to bring his saber back to life and drive it through the man's heart.

He gritted his teeth and grabbed the man's collar, dragging him to an empty hold and locking him inside. It wasn't revenge he needed right now.

They lurched into the air. He ran for the aft cannon. They were away from the city, skimming the tops of trees and weaving low along a shallow canyon. There were two TIEs on his scope and they were closing fast – but neither of them had faced a foe like him and Rey.

He fired at one as soon as it came into range, shearing off the TIE's starboard panel and sending it spinning into the ground. The other jerked up and out of sight. Rey pulled back, banking sharply to the right as the TIE dove and fired on the canyon where they'd been a moment before. Rey spun. Kylo fired. And his missile hit home as their enemy exploded.

He climbed out of the gunner's chair and scrambled for the cockpit. He clung to the doorway as she pulled them into a steep climb, scanning her scopes with fierce concentration for any sign of pursuit. He watched her hands fly over the bank of switches as the atmosphere thinned and she primed the sublight drive.

He loved to watch her fly. And much as he hated it when she put herself in danger, he loved to see her fight: faster and more aggressive with her saber after the few lessons she'd let him give her, but with a savage beauty all her own. A savage beauty he wanted to-

"I'm flying," she grumbled. "Save it 'til we get to hyperspace."

That wasn't the only thing that concerned her, though. All he wanted was to take her in his arms and pour all the tension of their escape into an affirmation of their bond – but she was thinking about her _friend._

He stalked back to the hold where he'd locked the intruder. Security was, after all, his responsibility. He needed to discover the breach.

He closed the door behind him and pulled the man into consciousness, watching as he blinked and shook his head and stilled at the sight of Kylo standing there, matching him glare for glare.

"What have you done to her?"

Kylo smirked. "Nothing she didn't want me to."

The rage that suffused the interloper's face was tinged with hurt and it was delicious. He hated this simple creature and his simple puppy love for what was _his._ He was going to make Rey scream his name through the ship when he took her that night.

The man scowled. "Like I'm going to believe that. I know what you can do."

Kylo prowled closer, crouching to level with the man's gaze. "You have no idea what I can do."

There was fear in the man's defiance, but the defiance was stronger. So he'd learned nothing from their encounter in the snow. Kylo could – grudgingly – respect his bravery. But that didn't excuse his stupidity. Or his intrusion here.

"You should count yourself lucky she likes you," he said softly. "If it wasn't for her I'd shove you out of the airlock right now."

The door slid open behind him; Rey came up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. Kylo stood and curled his arm around her waist.

The man on the floor looked pained. "You really chose… this?" he said to Rey. "Him?"

And now was the moment for her to acknowledge what they were to each other. But she stayed silent.

"It wasn't a choice," Kylo said at last.

The man pushed himself to his feet. "I knew it! So you just carried her off and-"

"For either of us," Rey said in a rush. "He didn't choose it either."

She twined her fingers with his, and Kylo felt her calm coil around him, both a balm to his bitterness and a leash on his darkness.

The man looked between them. "I don't get it."

"You wouldn't," said Kylo. "Don't even try."

"It's the Force," said Rey. "It…" She glanced at Kylo and he could see that she wanted to explain, but how could she expect her forceblind friend to accept it when it had taken the two of them so long? And it was none of his business, anyhow.

"This is _private_ ," he hissed.

Rey looked at the floor for a moment. "So what do you want?" she asked the intruder. "Why make all this effort to find us?"

"You're my friend," he replied. "It's the right thing to do."

Kylo caught the memory accompanying the words, and sneered. "You need something."

The man glared at him, then looked at Rey. "The Resistance needs something."

"No." Kylo's voice was sharp.

Rey squeezed his hand. "What do they need?"

Kylo scowled. "I said _No._ Absolutely not. We both walked away. No First Order. No Resistance. You don't owe FN-2187 anything."

The ex-trooper balled his fists and took a step forward. "It's 'Finn', you sleemo piece of space-scum. I have a name now. And I'm _doing_ something, and if I know Rey, I reckon she wants to as well. But you run away if you want to – you always were afraid to act without a hundred stormtroopers at your back."

Kylo grabbed the man by the throat and pushed him back against the wall. "How _dare-_ "

 _"Stop it!_ Both of you!" Rey pulled Kylo away and stood between them. "Finn, don't talk to him like that. You're on our ship and he saved your life. And Kylo, you can at least use Finn's kriffing _name._ "

FN-2187 sighed, and looked at Kylo. "Your mother said to tell you she misses you."

"I've heard that before." He kept his face blank, but they all knew what he was thinking about: that stain he could never erase if he lived in the light for the rest of his life. Snoke may have tricked him, made him believe that killing Han would drive out the light and end his never-ending struggle for stability – but it had still been his choice.

Snoke. He hated Snoke more than he'd ever hated Han. The Resistance, his mother, they could go to the Force – he wouldn't help them. Revenge, though... Revenge would be sweet. Even if the price was to become a traitor too.

"Tell us," he said.

"We've located the First Order fleet," said the ex-trooper. "Including Snoke's ship. But we need to get aboard to take down the shields before we can attack. I know how the First Order works, but I was mostly on Starkiller. Rey knows the systems inside out."

Kylo could feel that part of her wanted to do it, and for a moment he could kill this man for tipping the fragile equilibrium between them. They'd agreed to stay away from all that.

"No," he said again. Even after all you've seen, you're willing to let her walk into that?"

"I'll take the risk," said Rey. "If it'll bring down Snoke."

"But it's not even _necessary_. You can take out the shields with a phased missile attack."

The other man folded his arms. "Bantha-shit."

"And you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?" said Kylo. "You should have stuck to sanitation. You clearly don't know anything about shields."

"She does."

"She doesn't. But I do."

Rey caught at his arm. "No! If you go anywhere near the same _system_ as Snoke…"

Kylo winced inwardly. It wasn't as if he didn’t know that she still distrusted him, but it hurt to have it confirmed so baldly. For a moment he was tempted to go, to show her he'd risk everything to make her safe. But there were still days when he could feel Snoke worming against his mind – he couldn’t trust himself, couldn't trust that he wouldn't be remade into a weapon against her and everything she cared about.

He looked at the ex-trooper, wondered how much _he_ would risk. "Let me show you, then," he said.

The man's eyes widened as Kylo's meaning sank in. "No _way_."

"So now who's the coward?"

"I saw what you did to Poe."

"The pilot chose to resist. And showing isn’t the same as taking."

But Rey was looking at him every bit as dubiously as _he_ was, and suddenly Kylo had had enough. "Think about it," he said. He turned to the door.

"All right!" the ex-trooper called after him. "I'll do it."

And so, with the man he'd once despised as an inferior, a traitor, and a rival holding his hand to his temple, he lay back and willingly gave up secrets he'd once have killed to defend. And afterwards, as they stopped at a semi-respectable space station to refuel and leave Finn to rendezvous with the Resistance, he could only feel relief.

It was only hours later, as he was curled up with Rey, that it struck him like a concussion missile.

He was going to lose her.

She blinked up at him, sleepy. "Kylo?"

He couldn't bear to look at her. He got up and stared out of the viewport.

"What's the matter?"

He'd never have to flinch from Snoke's voice in his head again. And the price for his freedom was going to tear him apart.

Rey came up behind him and put her arms around his waist. "Tell me."

He leaned his head against the cool transparisteel. He didn't want to voice it, to see the reality of it in her face, but he knew that to survive the wound it needed to be swift. "I know you only stay with me because you're afraid I'll go back to Snoke." He steeled himself to look at her. "Now you'll be free to leave."

She stared back, brow furrowed.

"I know," he said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "I should be happy for you regardless, but I can't pretend to be a good person."

She raised a finger to his lips and for a wild moment he wanted to kiss it, to wrap his arms around her and never let her go. But he'd never be able to keep her. If Snoke died, the battle against the Light would die with him and the Force would no longer need her to balance his darkness.

"No," she said softly. "Once Snoke is gone, I can stop being afraid that he'll drag you back to him. I'll…" _I'll be free to love you._

He blinked. And then his brain caught up with her words.

"You're staying?"

Her eyes were bright. "You really thought I wouldn't?" 

And she took his hand, and _showed_ him.

He pulled her close, overwhelmed. For so long he'd struggled to feel worthy of either the light or the dark, and she'd swept all that away with her belief that he was worthy of _her_. He knew this moment couldn't last, that his first impulse was too often to reach for his weapon and seek refuge in anger. But without Snoke's voice dripping poison in his mind, he'd be free at last to find his own balance. And Rey would no longer be his counterweight, but his partner. 

"I'm never going to let you go now," he murmured.

And she smiled. After so much loneliness, so much fear, so much running, together they could finally find a home.

But that was in the future. For the moment, they only needed each other.

Kylo swept her up in his arms and carried her back to their bed.

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this by [SouthSideStory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthSideStory/pseuds/SouthSideStory)'s gift to me in the [Ring in the Reylo](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/RingInTheReylo) gift exchange; I felt that her story ([A Ghtroc 690, Fully Restored](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8991136)) perfectly encapsulated the attraction and tension between Kylo and Rey. It made me wonder about how the 'running away together' solution might actually work out - and all that spikiness was too delicious to resist. My characterisation isn't quite the same as hers but I envisage this Rey and Kylo having got together in similar circumstances. If you've read SouthSideStory's fic you'll probably recognise a few references - and if you've not read it, you absolutely should.


End file.
